If I Haven't Told You
by TheRaggedEdge
Summary: Kensi tries to figure out how the absence of her partner makes her feel. And when he returns briefly, he tries to get her to tell him. One-shot :)


**A/N: I know I haven't posted the last chapter of Lucky You yet. And I will, I promise. But my laptop is having issues at the moment so it won't be for a little while still. This story came into being because my man is overseas and I miss him. I hope you enjoy. Feel free to let me know your thoughts. Thanks :) **

Kensi paced the thin carpet of her living room. She did that far too often these days. There was at least one layer less of carpet than there had been before Deeks left.

She forced her feet to stop moving and took a deep breath. In. Out. She could deal with this. She could. Really.

But she'd realised recently that this feeling was familiar. That this anxiousness churning deep inside the pit of her stomach was not a new feeling. She'd realised that Deeks' absence caused the same feelings that her father's deployments had. Not knowing where he was or when he'd be back or why he was gone in the first place.

It was scary, though, that the significance of the place Deeks held in her heart now somewhat resembled that of her father's. That was completely foreign to her. And she wasn't quite sure how to deal with it. So she kept pacing.

Once. Twice. Three times. Back and forth.

He'd been gone three weeks now. She'd heard from him twice in that time. And then another time through an update from Hetty.

_This_, she thought to herself, _this is the reason he needs to leave the LAPD become and NCIS agent_. Because she was tired of the hold they had over him. She hated that they could remove his position with NCIS at any given moment. Or send him on undercover assignments that had no NCIS involvement.

It would be nice to introduce him as Agent Deeks, rather than Detective. Agent Deeks. It would take getting used to. But it had a nice ring to it.

And then of course, officially joining the NCIS team would mean that he was even more stuck with her for a partner than before. And that was a good thing. No matter how many times she punched him, or got frustrated with him, or teased him, or undermined him, or let pieces of her past she refused to tell him about drive her decisions and get them both in trouble – he'd be stuck with her.

She nodded with a small smile at that though. Yep. Stuck with her.

Kensi stopped pacing and leaned down to the coffee table, picking up an empty chip packet, two tissues, a McDonalds bag, and a week-old newspaper, then dumping them into the trash can under her sink. If Deeks ever came back, he'd be—

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. She stopped in her tracks and looked over at it, curiosity overwhelming her. Who could possibly…

The holster holding her gun was still strapped to her lower back. But as she approached the door, the silhouette in the curtain of the door window was unmistakable.

But he wouldn't have the nerve to show up now. Without calling.

It couldn't be him. He was in some other part of the country.

Kensi found herself immobile as she pondered the identity of the person behind the door.

"Delivery for Kensi Blye." The words surprised her, but the voice was undoubtedly that of her partner.

When she opened the door, the relief she felt at seeing his face brought an unexpected smile to her lips. She found herself at a loss for words.

Drops of rain dripped from his wet hair, and his slightly crooked smile revealed he was just as pleased to see her as she was him. "Did you happen to order one soggy, exhausted, shaggy partner who knows he has a lot to explain and should probably be on his knees right now begging for forgiveness?"

Trying to withhold her smile, just a little, Kensi pretended to think about it. "I don't remember placing an order." She paused and looked him up and down once. "But I guess I'll take it."

He leaned against the frame of the door. "You'll take it?"

"I guess." She opened the door the whole way and gestured for him to step inside.

"Wow." Deeks stopped after taking two steps into the house.

"What?" She asked self-consciously, but knowing very well what he was 'wow'ing about.

"Kensi Blye, have you been…cleaning?"

Yes. Yes, she had. Why? Who knows. But her house was the cleanest it had been in… well, ever.

But she didn't have a response. She didn't how to explain why she'd been cleaning. And she couldn't deny it. And right now, she couldn't think of a new topic to suddenly change the conversation to. So she just stood there, staring at him. In her house. In her living room. Dripping wet, the giant grin plastered on his face now slowly forming into a look of concern.

"Kens, are you okay?"

Was she okay? No. Yes. Maybe?

Another step towards her. "Okay, you're scaring me just a little."

She turned, taking three steps away from him before facing him again. "Where did you go?"

* * *

"I'm undercover in a shipping company on the east coast."

Kensi nodded.

Deeks didn't quite know how to gauge Kensi's reaction at the moment. He thought she'd either be happy to see him and pretending she wasn't, or genuinely angry at him. But she was neither of those things and he hadn't expected it.

He decided to continue his explanation. "I flew back because my boss asked for a report on my progress. Or lack there-of. I'm only here for the night, but I wanted to stop by. Which, maybe, I shouldn't have done." He stopped and took a breath.

Still no response.

"Should…" he pointed to the door, "should I go?"

His partner shook her head and stepped toward him. She approached him at a medium pace, with only a hint of hesitation. He held her gaze as she did, stepping so close that he almost, almost took a step back. She reached him and wrapped both arms around his waist, nestling her head into his neck and chest.

"Wow," he breathed as he wrapped both arms firmly around her in an embrace he never saw coming. Ever. He mumbled softly into her hair, "I think I need to go away more often."

He heard a short laugh escape from her lips into the cloth of his shirt as he began rubbing his left hand in small circles on her back before his travelled up into her hair and touched the skin on the back of her neck.

After about a minute, he released her slowly and she took only half a step back.

"Two-and-a-half years I've been bringing you donuts and letting you drive and all I had to do to get a hug out of you was leave for a couple weeks." He winked at her. "I'll remember that. Maybe I'll go for longer next time."

She shot him a half-hearted glare and shoved his shoulder lightly with the palm of her hand. He figured he'd keep pushing his luck. "It is good to know my partner misses me."

Kensi's forehead wrinkled as her eyebrows shot up. "Your _partner_ has been working much too closely with Assistant Director Granger in the last three weeks. Can you blame her?"

"Oh, is that it? Really? This is just about Granger?" He teased. "This isn't about missing my fantastic sense of humor? Or my incredible charm? My alarmingly handsome features?"

Kensi shook her head with a disbelieving smile and stepped away. "You feel like a coffee?"

Deeks followed her into the kitchen. "Oh, come on, Kens. Just admit it. You miss this," He waved a finger up and down, pointed toward himself.

"You're disgusting," she protested, as she flicked the kettle on.

Deeks took a set on her kitchen bench, leaning his elbows on his knees as he watched her retrieve mugs from cupboard and coffee from the pantry. "Kens?"

No reply.

"Kensalina?"

Still nothing. Just a slight smile on her lips.

"_Keeeennssiiiiii_," he drew her name out until she turned to him, arms crossed.

"Yes, Deeks." She tried to act annoyed but he could see right through it.

"You missed me, right?"

She tilted her head to the side, as if deciding whether or not to answer.

And suddenly, he felt he had to know. Suddenly, whatever answer she gave right here mattered to him more than he'd ever expected. But she would change the subject. She would deny it. She would do anything short of admitting that she missed him. Wouldn't she?

"Kens?" He spoke her name, humor now gone from his voice.

"Deeks, you know the answer," she said softly.

"I'd really like to hear it."

She moved next to him and hoisted herself up onto the bench so they were sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, both looking over at each other. He could tell this wasn't easy for her. And he almost felt bad. But it was good for her to stretch herself every once in a while. If she stepped outside her comfort zone every once in a while, she might actually like it there.

Kensi looked down at her lap, then back to him. "I can't sleep. My appetite is almost gone. The punching bag in the gym has been my only friend for the last three weeks. Callen says my driving's even worse than normal. And I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark three times on the weekend because it's one of your favorite movies and I hadn't seen it. Also, Nell caught me doing research on the case I think you're on to try and get information, and then Hetty banned me from using the computers in ops. So yeah, I've missed you. And I want you back home."

Deeks couldn't stop the widening smile on his lips. He was grinning ear to ear and he suddenly felt self-conscious about it. Not only had his partner missed him and made everyone else aware of it, she had admitted it to him!

"Does that answer your question?"

"Yeah." He answered through his smile.

She slid off the bench and he followed her back into the living room. He really had to go. He'd told himself he'd be here five minutes max, and he'd already passed that. He retrieved his jacket that he'd hung over the back of the couch. "I have to go, Kens."

She didn't even try to hide her disappointment. "Already? You just got here?"

"I shouldn't have even come here in the first place. You know that I'm breaking a strict protocol here."

She shrugged. "So?"

He laughed at the cuteness of her response. "I don't want to get you messed up in all this. My flight out leaves in an hour."

"Do you know how much longer you'll be gone?"

He shook his head. "Hopefully not too long."

"You can't call me?"

"Not without putting you in danger." He stepped toward her and squeezed her upper arm gently. "Take care of yourself for me."

She nodded.

"And I should probably tell you, even though I hope you already know – but, uh, I miss you too. And uh, I'm gonna make sure they don't send me out on one of these assignments again. Okay?"

Kensi walked him towards the door. "Try and stay out of trouble, Deeks. Or I'll come after you."

Deeks grinned. "I hope so."

She opened the door and he stepped outside, turning back towards her.

"I'll see you soon."

"Yeah. See you soon, Kens."

Deeks turned and walked away into the night, suddenly very anxious for the day he'd come back to her. And it would be soon. He'd make sure of it. But for now, he could go back to work knowing that his partner was missing him back home. And for now, that was enough.


End file.
